Katriona Wilson

My Catholic history...

2010-09-16T05:44:00.000-07:00

MY CATHOLIC HISTORY...

So on the day that the pope arrives in Scotland, and after battling through a hoard of 'pilgrims' wearing yellow backpacks in Queen Street Station, I have decided to trace my journey from Catholic to, well... not. I have been wrestling with my religious views for years but due to my Catholic upbringing have found it hard to cut ties with the Catholic church. However, within the last few months, I have come to the conclusion that I am not a Catholic any more. Thinking it over, I have various vivid memories of religious education, church, discussions and thoughts that have shaped the decision I have made. It was not something decided on a whim to fit in with the current pope-bashing trend on facebook... So here goes...

I was born into a family with a Catholic mother and a non-Catholic father, but was brought up as a practising Catholic. I was baptised, made my 1st communion, 1st confession, confirmation... etc etc. I didn't question it, I didn't mind doing it, it was just a part of my childhood. I went to a Catholic primary school, had Catholic friends, went to weekly mass... It was all I knew. My first memory of feeling unsure about my faith was when I was in primary 7. My friend and I approached our teacher to ask if we could have a fundraiser for comic relief in the school. Expecting a heap of praise for asking to carry out charity work, we were upset to be told that 'no, our school does not support Comic Relief (however, feel free to raise money for SCIAF!)'. We questioned her a bit further and were told that as Catholics, we couldn't support Comic Relief because one of their key projects they were raising money for was to distribute birth control in Mozambique to try and stop the spread of Aids. Being 11, and getting hideously embarrassed by the word condom, I questioned no further. More than anything I was disappointed not to be able to bathe in beans and dress up for a day but there were thoughts in my head that this was... well, a bit weird. Surely the condoms were being handed out for a good reason? Surely having Aids was really bad, and although using a condom was sinful, it's better than having a life threatening disease right? Wrong, apparently.

Moving up to high school, I started to experience the regular delights of Catholic school religious education. There are various lessons I remember- but there are 3 in particular which stand out.

1.LESSON ONE- IT IS POSSIBLE TO FAIL MORALITY

Yes, I failed a morality assessment. We were given a scenario about a group of people on a wagon who were being hunted down by some other people who wanted to kill them (details are vague, it was a long time ago, I have no morals...). The question posed was whether a mother on the wagon should smother her crying baby as the noise of the baby would draw attention to the wagon, the people would be found and killed. I argued that she should consider smothering the baby as then there would only be one death instead of lots of deaths. I think, deep down, I knew this was the wrong answer, but wanted to test my teacher and see what would happen if I went against the 'correct answer'. Well, I failed and was given a big talking to by the teacher who told me I 'could not say things like that'.

2.LESSON TWO- SEX EDUCATION- CATHOLIC STYLE

Ah sex education... which was of course carried out in RE, as sex is obviously a religious issue. We were shown a video of a smiley bearded man in a cuddly jumper sitting in a cosy arm chair. He had a flipchart which had felt pen drawings of erect penises and such on it and explained the basics of sex to us, then reminded us that real men are loving men. Loving men dont have sex unless they are married and wanting a child with their loving woman partner. Jesus was a loving man... You get the picture. Clearly showing this to a class of 13-14 year olds was asking for giggling, whispering and general embarrassment but what strikes me now is the total irresponsibility of it all. Yes, it was an idealistic view of how people behave but realistically, young people think about sex. Some of them even have it! Even Catholic young people! Where in those videos were the answers to the more important questions like 'how do I do it safely?', 'what if I do it and it goes a bit wrong'? 'how do I get help if these things happen?'. It was just presumed that we wouldn't do it.

3.lESSON THREE- ABORTION STARRING CHARLTON HESTON

My final RE lesson memory is the anti-abortion film, introduced by Charlton Heston (I'm not sure if we were supposed to be impressed by him, I remember wondering who the hell he was!). This video was what it said on the tin- a very graphic film of an actual abortion. The video was pretty horrible, and not a nice watch but what I remember most was the teacher standing at the back of the room making loud groaning and crying noises and saying things like 'I dont know how you can all sit and watch this!'. (Because you told us to and you are the teacher?? Just a thought...) There was no room for us to form our own opinions on the topic or even debate them afterwards. The video was switched off and the message was clear. Don't even think about it. But of course we did...

I was still at secondary school when section 28 was making headlines. Section 28 was an amendment to a government act which stated that “ a local authority "shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish material with the intention of promoting homosexuality" or "promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship”. This was repealed in 2000 but of course Catholic schools were up in arms as this was yet another thing I learned thAT 'we didn't agree with'. As you may know, one of my recent pastimes has been reading my old diaries and around this time I have a diary entry discussing my thoughts on this and stating that 'I want to give up church but I am not allowed.' I think this was the real beginning of my religious questioning but being young and, ultimately, God fearing I don't think I felt empowered enough to step away and really vocalise how I felt. I was still attending mass weekly at this point and I remember in the bidding prayers the priest praying for the protection of children and referenced 'recent events'. I immediately associated this with the section 28 stories I had read in the news and deliberately didn't respond to this prayer. I'm sure nobody even noticed that I didn't speak but it felt like a personal victory to me- my little internal 2 fingers to the church that was supposedly all about love, but seemed to me to involve quite a but of prejudice.

As I finished secondary school and moved away to university, my faith went haywire. Fuelled by alcohol, I would have long, opinionated debates with my fellow students about issues of religion and faith. I was irritated by people who called themselves 'atheist', and challenged how they came to that view. Although I was teetering on the verge of atheism at points, I felt my choice was justified, as I had been through a Catholic upbringing and had an informed decision to walk away. I questioned people who said their parents had let them choose whether to follow a religion, as, the way I saw it, they couldn't have had a choice if they were never exposed to religion. Eventually, I settled down and became completely apathetic for a while but every so often I would be hit with guilt for not attending church any more, and not praying at night.

I vented a lot of my Catholic confusion in a script I wrote whilst at university called 'Dont Drink the Holy Water' (the title came from a chat I had with a non-religious ex boyfriend who thought Catholics drank holy water. I remember being totally appalled that he thought this and found it hilarious but then realised that, of course, he wouldn't know this and why should he?) The play focussed on Andrew, a God-fearing 16 year old whose strict Catholic upbringing had impacted on his life as a young person and what happened to him when he met Maya, an atheist rebel who falls for Andrew and wants to have sex with him, drink alcohol with him and generally be naughty. The play was not autobiographical, and I was neither Andrew or Maya but was somewhere in between and when their views started to cross over halfway through the play they were both in the same position that I felt I was in, in terms of the clarity (or lack of clarity) in my own beliefs. The play has served as a bit of closure for me, it has allowed me to vent all the thoughts I had at school and articulate them as an adult. But it still didn't help me make a choice of whether or not to cut ties and move on, or keep wondering if I would be drawn back to the church.

In recent years I have only gone to church at Christmas and for weddings. Last year I decided not to go to mass at Christmas. For the past few years I had gone out of habit more than anything but after years of staring blankly into space, counting lights on the Christmas tree and thinking about what to wear to Christmas lunch, I decided it was time to stop. This choice helped me to clarify what I already sort of knew- mass meant nothing to me any more. I actually found the ritualistic nature of it quite weird and hated that I could spend a whole year not going to mass but go back once a year and automatically and robotically know when to stand up and sit down and, without thinking, words and responses would come spewing out of my mouth in time with a hundred other people. I didn't think about what I was saying but when I did, I realised I didn't want to say it any more. Then of course the allegations and scandals of the Catholic church started appearing in the newspapers and on TV... but I don't need to say anything about that...

So where does that leave me now? Well, I was baptised and brought up as a Catholic but I am no longer one of those. I live with my non- Catholic boyfriend and there is no wedding being planned- I am happy to live like this with no guilt hanging over my head that I might end up in hell. If I have a child, it wont matter to me if I am married or not. I will not raise my children Catholic, and will not want them to go to a denominational school. I would love to give them the right to 'choose' but ultimately I will probably turn out like everybody else and bring them up with no religious background and leave it up to them to explore it for themselves (which they probably wont!).

I know this, though- I am definitely not an atheist, I do believe there's something out there and maybe it is God, but it's not the God I was brought up hearing about. The God I would follow is one that is a bit more tolerant than that- but then, of course, we could argue that it's not God who is the intolerant ones. But I wont go into that, enough said in the papers today... Maybe one day, I will find another church, or another way of practicing my faith but first I need to suss out what that is exactly, and whether or not it really exists or is just a bit of guilt left over from when I was at school.

Answers on a pope-shaped post card...

CTW Day 2- Tuesday

2010-07-21T08:16:00.000-07:00

CTW Day2- Tuesday

Day 2 yesterday was another day of inspiring talks, workshops and performances...

We started the day with a discussion about artistic innovation and taking risks. We were asked to think of projects we had been involved in which were artistically innovative and projects that we had been involved in which involved taking risks. The group I was in found it hard to define innovation (and thus decided it was indefinable!) as it changes in different contexts. What might be run of the mill and 'done before' on the stage in Glasgow may be totally innovative in a community who have not been exposed to much theatre before. We discussed the idea that attempting to try anything we considered innovative was a risk- as you are never sure how an audience or participant group will respond to an idea, an art form or a project... There is also a mutual risk involved- sometimes it can be a risk to a participant to engage in a piece of art, or theatre or to take part in a project, as it can be intimidating, frightening or just too early in the morning!
We discussed the qualities of a project that can be successfully artistically innovative in a community setting. We mentioned that an 'innovative' project needed to have or be:
a sense of ownership for the participants
an environment where the work was new and innovative
a context where the work was new to the participant group
Responsive to the group, environment and context
Have authenticity and truth in the stories being told

I attended 2 workshops yesterday-
The first was led by Poetry Circle Nowhere- a Dutch performance poetry group. I was initially a bit skeptical about this workshop as I didn't really understand the concept of performance poetry but I was pleasantly surprised by how open and inspiring it was. I wrote a short poem (about a kite!!) based on words given to me by other members of the group which began with the first letter of my name, then joined up with other participants in the workshop to find a common 'core' in our individual poems, combine them and perform them. Our performance was quite out of my usual comfort zone- we chose a member of the audience and delivered the poem directly to them with lots of eye contact and intensity. It was very stripped down. When we tried to 'act' the words our group mentor told us to strip it back, and just say the words and let them give the meaning. I really enjoyed the workshop, and feel quite inspired to have a look at performance poetry and spoken word events going on in Glasgow (although whether I perform at them is strictly another matter!!)

I also attended a workshop on contemporary Swedish mime, led by my CTW flatmate Tobias. I wasn't sure what to expect but again, had lots of fun communicating with my body and finding new ways to move. I think it must have been more physical than I realised as I ache a bit today! At the end of the workshop Tobias talked a little bit about some of his mime work in Sweden, including a performance he did with horses (yes, REAL horses!!) He showed us images and it looks pretty spectacular (if a little dangerous!). They are performing it again in September so I will have to find someone to fund a trip to Sweden for me so I can see it for real.

The performances last night threw up many interesting questions and discussions about the CTW process. The twinned companies were Cuci Otak from Indonesia and Outhouse Collective from London. At the beginning of the night, artist facilitator Andre Pink introduced the evening by telling the audience that this twinning had been very hard and dogged with problems from day 1. A box full of items for exchange had gone missing in the post, Cuci Otak have limited internet access and no office or admin staff and also Cuci Otak do not speak English so everything had to go through a translator. Therefore the exchange process had been extremely challenging and (although Andrew didnt say this) it was evident afterwards that the collaboration and exchange was unsuccessful in this twinning. Cuci Otak's performance was beautiful- a piece of traditional Indonesian epic theatre performed in Javanese. As a stand alone piece it was lovely to watch but I struggled to see any elements of an exchange of ideas with a London company. The fact that the piece was not in English was not an issue for the audience and it was amazing to see the audience joining in at points, cheering for the hero and chanting his name along with the performers. The CTW audience is made up mostly of other CTW companies and their support for each others work is evident. At the end of their performance, Cuci Otak seemed genuinely overwhelmed by their experience, as they usually perform outdoors in the square in their village and to be in a theatre space with lighting was a brand new experience for them.
The Outhouse Collective's show was based around the idea of the missing box (which was a real experience they had as part of their exchange). Apart from this though, there were no noticable elements of Indonesian culture in their performance which again highlighted the unsuccessful exchange that took place. The fact they focussed on a negative element of the process to base their piece around spoke volumes and I felt sorry that they didnt have the same positive experience that the other companies seem to have had. For Cuci Otak- just being here is an achievement (they got their visa's the day before they flew to Manchester!). But for Outhouse Collective, they seemed to suffer for having been involved in this challenging exchange process and, although their show had nice moments and was well put together, it felt negative and jarred with the upbeat nature of the previous 3 performances I have seen here.
This morning I attended the post show discussion... but I will write more about that tomorrow... Tonight I will attend performances by Junges Theatre Basel and First Wave Hiphop collective from Madison... More tomorrow!

CTW 2010 DAY 1

2010-07-20T02:07:00.000-07:00

So the first official day at contacting the world has been and gone and already I am feeling inspired and full of ideas...

I am here as a member of the Contact International Forum (CIF), a selected group of 30 international theatre practitioners who work with young people. The group is very diverse in terms o georgraphy, age and experience and so far the discussions and conversations have been very interesting and thought provoking.

We kicked off the day yesterday with a group introduction session and discussion on international collaboration, facilitated by Contact's artistic director Baba Israel. We had a short presentation on the CTW process by the artist facilitators who have been working with the twinned companies to help them create their work and then we broke off into smaller groups to discuss a specific aspect of international collaboration that we found relevant to ourselves or our practice. Pessimistically, I chose to join the group that discussed challenges and problems facing artists attempting an international collaboration. From attending CTW in 2004, I have been fascinated and inspired by the idea of collaborating with international artists but have never quite found the way to do it. I attempted a small exchange project with one of my classes at Cumbernauld Youth Theatre, exchanging stories and pictures with a school on the island of Reunion which would inspire our work at youth theatre but, as I discussed yesterday, after the exchanges had started to take place and we began learning names and finding out more, the natural step seemed to be meeting. Of course, on my project, this was never possible and yesterday we discussed this- can a successful exchange be carried out without the possibility of ever meeting one another? Obviously, with CTW, the outcome is this festival- but there is 6months of exchange prior to the festival week. However, everyone involved has the knowledge and excitement that they will soon meet their twinned company and put faces to the names and voices to the faces... but if the meeting and sharing is never going to happen can an exchange ever really be as meaningful and inspiring as the exchanges made as part of CTW? It is a question I cant answer as yet, but it definitely got me thinking... However, in terms of funding and my position as a freelance artist the chance of me being able to cxreate an exchage project which ends with a meeting is so unlikely I may need to continue finding ways around this problem!

Yesterday afternoon I attended a workshop run by First Wave Hip Hop Ensemble from Madison. The group are students and their energy was amazing. I initially felt a sense of dread over the idea of a hiphop workshop being incredibly white, Scottish and unrhythmic... but the workshop was pitched at a beginners level and involved rhythm, movement and a bit of writing.

I also attended a presentation given by one of my CIF colleagues Rawand who works at the Freedom Theatre in Palestine. Nothing I can say can do justice to her presentation, but her work is awe inspiring- look at their website www.freedomtheatre.com

After Rawand's presentation I had a very interesting chat with another CIF member. Rawand told us that her young actors company did an adaptation of Animal Farm which addressed political issues relevant to Palestinians. The Freedom Theatre was consequently the victim of an attempted arson attack. I was shocked by this and spoke to a CIF member, Hina about it. Hina is from Pune in India and she told me she faces similar problems as she runs the only theatre group in Pune who do British style theatre, as well as issue based work around issues such as HIV and domestic violence. The company are rarely allowed to perform in theatre spaces, and are confined to cafes and restaurants if they want to produce any work. We discussed the idea of radical theatre- which they produce. She asked what would be considered 'radical' in Scotland. I was stuck for an answer. I told her that there were 'radical' ideas in terms of artist's practice and styles but in terms of subject matter nothing was really considered radical as just about anything can be talked about or explored theatrically without causing too much of an uproar. Obviously there are occasionally difficult or controversial subject matters that are explored but I don't think anyone would ever set fire to a theatre in protest...

The performances we saw last night were by Mumbai based Working Title 2.0 and 10p Mix Up, who are Contact Theatre's in-house group of young actors. The performances were very different but there were subtle strands that linked them together. Watching them, knowing it was an exchange project, I was able to see common themes and each culture's influence coming through in the other's performance.

So, a busy first day, but lots to think about and talk about...

Today's agenda is a CIF discussion on innovation- risk, critique and quality, a workshop by Poetry Circle Nowhere from Amsterdam and a workshop by my CIF flatmate Tobias, a recent graduate from the acadamy of dramatic arts in Stockholm. He is leading a workshop on contemporary Swedish mime.
Then tonight we will watch performances by two more twinned companies.

reasons part 2

2010-07-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, another reason to blog...
Next week I am attending Contacting the World at the Contact theatre in Manchester. I am attending as part of the international forum and will spend the week attending workshops, discussions, performances and networking with theatre practitioners from around the world, in the hopes of making some links and kickstarting some international collaboration.

I anticipate this being an incredibly exciting and inspiring week and would love to share the experiences with anyone who wishes to hear about them. More on that to follow...

www.contactingtheworld.org

Reasons to blog...

2010-07-13T07:49:00.000-07:00

So perhaps, rather ambitiously, I have decided to start a blog. Reason for this decision are thus-

1. I am determined to start writing regularly, this seems like a good way to start on that!
2. I do too much and never have time to tell people about it as when one thing passes, another begins, and many of the interesting things I do and people I meet disappear into the ether (aka my memories!)
3. Many of my family and friends have no idea what I do on a daily basis. I regularly have conversations with people along the lines of 'So, Kat... hows your job? Are you still doing that... um... that thing you were doing... what are you doing?...Where are you???"

So yes. Maybe this will just be a lot of me rambling, but maybe this will actually be interesting. We'll see.

Anyway, what am I doing?

I have recently completed a course in audio description skills. This is basically training me up to be a theatre audio describer for blind theatre-goers. The audio describes job is to make the blind theatre-goers experience of a piece of theatre as rich as that of a sighted person. So our job is to describe the set, costumes, special effects etc as well as provide a commentary of any action/visual gags as the play goes on.
I am currently working on my first audio description- describing Valhalla at the Tron Theatre in Glasgow. Unforunately for myself and my colleague, this show is extremely complex with 7 actors playing multiple characters with numerous costume changes so it's a bit of a challenge for the first time (or for any time I would imagine!). Going to see it for the fourth time tonight then broadcasting to the course assessors on Thursday.

It's been an interesting experience- I work regularly in theatre settings and the number of people I have spoken to who have no idea that audio description even exists is pretty surprising. I think most people are aware of BSL interpreted performances, but then the person doing the sign language is right in front of the entire audience, whilst audio description is a bit more hidden (the blind person wears a headset and the describer broadcasts from the technical box so the majority of the sighted audience are completely oblivious to it going on around them.

SO tonight I will see Valhalla! for the fourth time! One would think at this stage I would know the play off by heart but there is so much detail and so many decisions (what is relevant, what is necessary, what gives the story away...) It's not easy. But a great service, that I'm quite enjoying being part of. Will probably have increased levels of enjoyment after the assessment on Thursday...